Demystifying the Surrogacy Journey: A Conversation with Brittney Sobel

For some families, surrogacy may be the only, or safest, way to bring a child into the world. There are many reasons, both medical and personal, why a family might need a gestational carrier, someone who carries a pregnancy to term for a child that they are not genetically related to. Even though this is a deeply personal and private decision, there are still many judgments and assumptions about surrogacy. We want to empower intended parents to make the decision that’s right for them, so we’ve turned to an expert who understands the emotional, medical, legal, and financial challenges of surrogacy.

The Prima team interviewed Brittney Sobel, an expert on surrogacy from professional and personal experience. As a lawyer who specializes in surrogacy and the founder of It Is Sloane, a new platform that is making family building more accessible and affordable, she’s worked with intended parents who have followed many different pathways to parenthood. Most importantly, she’s the mother of a five year old daughter who was born through gestational surrogacy. In this first part of our three part interview series, she breaks down three common misconceptions patients have about the surrogacy journey. 

Misconception #1: The surrogacy process moves quickly.

Many intended parents have already gone down a long path to parenthood by the time they decide to embark on gestational surrogacy. Understandably, many hope that surrogacy will be a speedy path to parenthood. Yet the process of matching with a gestational carrier can be lengthy. Brittney explains, “While the demand for surrogacy has dramatically increased, the pool of surrogates has remained largely unchanged.” Brittney’s own surrogacy journey took longer than she initially expected. “We had legal complications, medical complications,” she shares, “In the end, it took us about two years to match with our gestational carrier.” Brittney’s experience is not unusual. The typical matching process takes twelve to eighteen months.

An intended parent’s timeline to match with a gestational carrier can vary depending on how selective they are about the qualities they’re looking for in a gestational carrier. In addition to considering their physical health and previous pregnancies, many intended parents also evaluate a gestational carrier’s prescription history and their mental health. Brittney also recommends finding a surrogate who has a strong support system, whether it’s a partner, family member, or close friends nearby to offer emotional and physical support throughout the pregnancy. Finding the right gestational carrier is a hiring process- for a very meaningful, taxing job. The more requirements that intended parents have, the longer the search for the right carrier will take. But, the more thoughtful that intended parents are about their search, the more likely they are to find a strong match.

Misconception #2: You can work with a gestational carrier in any state.

The IVF experience is generally similar across states, yet when it comes to surrogacy, the laws and regulations can be drastically different. Some New Yorkers might be surprised to learn that surrogacy was only recently legalized in their home state in 2021. Before gestational surrogacy was legalized, intended parents would ship their embryos out of state to be able to move forward with an embryo transfer with a gestational carrier. Sometimes clinics in Manhattan would send refrigerated embryos to gestational carriers in New Jersey by Uber!

Surrogacy isn’t an option for every family in all states. In Louisiana, only married heterosexual couples can pursue surrogacy. Some states, like Michigan, only allow surrogacy when the gestational carrier isn’t compensated. This means that your pathway to parenthood might look a little different from your friends and family who sought out surrogacy in other states.

Misconception #3: You’ll risk your parental rights if you work with a gestational carrier.

Brittney mentions that many of the intended parents she works with are anxious about losing their parental rights through surrogacy. “There is a seminal case where this happened and which is the source of many clients’ fears,” Brittney acknowledges, “but it really doesn't happen today.” Traditional surrogacy, where the gestational carrier was also the egg donor is highly uncommon now. Because the gestational carrier does not have a genetic tie to the child, it is a straightforward process to assign parental rights to the intended parents, even if the intended parents are not the genetic parents of the child, either. Making sure that you draft this document during the pregnancy should alleviate any concerns about parental rights- which we will discuss further in our next segment.

Surrogacy can be a more complicated journey, but rewarding. We’re here to help you learn more about how to build a pathway that’s right for you and your family, including the support network you need, in the rest of our blog series with Brittney.